Tarnished Gold
by TheAloofBunny
Summary: Tsuna used to believe that after surviving his psychopath of a home tutor's hellish training, nothing could suprise him. But is it even possible to get sent 400 years into the past to help your DEAD ancestor?  Of course.  R&R for brownie points!
1. Beware of Saturday Mornings

**Ciao-su, everyone! My third fic is up (No-duh) and ready to read! REJOICE! Just kidding. Don't rejoice. Anyways, please review. It would really make me happy! :)**

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><p><em>Chapter One: Beware of Saturday Mornings<em>

Tsuna snuggled into the warmth of his blankets, ready for yet another wave of sleep to wash over him. Birds were singing the Namimori school anthem, the sun was energetically blazing in the sky, and not a single cloud marred the brilliant azure sky. Nothing could possibly go wrong.

_**Whack!**_

Correction. When your home tutor wakes you up every morning by hitting you with a hundred-ton mallet and your destiny is to become one of the most powerful Mafia bosses in the world, everything can go wrong.

"HIEEEEEEEEE!" Tsuna gave his usual high-pitched shriek.

Reborn, aforementioned home tutor, gave _his_ usual self-satisfied smirk.

All in all, it was a perfectly normal way for Tsuna to celebrate the birth of a new day.

"Reborn! Why did you have to wake me up on SATURDAY?" accused Tsuna with a trembling finger.

"'Cause I wanted to," Reborn replied smugly.

The baby strolled away from the grumbling Vongola Decimo, happily humming 'If You're Happy and You Know it' under his breath as he thought about breakfast. Tsuna retreated to the relative safety of his bed as soon as he was sure his tutor was far, far away and began to drift into unconciousness once more. It was time to sleep... again.

"Dame Tsuna! Your omelet is yummy, thanks Maman." Scratch that. It was actually time to hurry up like his life depended on it.

After a morning complete with more hits from the Leon-hammer, several grenades thrown in his general direction, and a Dying Will Flame powered trip to get groceries for his mom, Tsuna was literally ready to pass out. Unfortunately for him, that was one luxury that he didn't have.

"Tenth! I, Gokudera Hayato, your ever loyal right-hand-man, have arrived. Hey Baseball Freak! Why are you intruding upon the sacred floors of the Tenth's house?"

"Maa, maa, Octupus Head, why don't we all just get along? The more the merrier, right?"

"Say what? I'll blow you up!"

"Haha, you and your fireworks."

"EXTREME! SAWADA JOIN THE BOXING CLUPB TO THE LIMIT!"

"Gahahaha, the almightly Lambo-Sama is here! Dame-Tsuna, gimme takoyaki! GIMME, GIMME!"

"Bossu..."

"You herbivores are crowding. I'll bite you to death."

Tsuna's face bore an expression that uncannily resemled that of the fish his name itself uncannily resembled. Who in their right mind would name their kid Tsuna? But I digress.

"HIEEEEEEEEE! All of my Guardians are here? Hibari-san too? HIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE! I'm going to get bitten to death!"

With a last scream of terror, he fled down the stairs where his certain death and destruction at the hands of a particular murderous prefect lay. His once pristine living room was already in shambles. Suddenly, a clear gunshot sounded in the air and all the 'crowding hervivores' looked down to see Reborn with his fedora draping his face in deep shadow.

"Dame Tsuna, hold out your ring," the baby ordered. Tsuna complied. Suddenly, his Vongola Ring begain to glow with an intense orange light and an all-too-familiar figure appeared.

"Decimo... An unexpected threat has arrived in the past. I need you to return to my time and help us sort things out, okay? It appears that the first holder of the Mare Ring has traveled himself into this world. He is already strong enough to defeat us, so your must give us your knowledge of the Mare Ring. Oh, and if you refuse and I die, you will become non-existant and the whole world will change," said Vongola Primo calmly. A Dying Will flame flickered on his forehead.

"Do I have a choice?" Tsuna muttered with a scowl. A gentle cocoon of shimmering silver flames enveloped him and the last thing he heard was Primo's voice asking, "Did I tell us that I won't recognize you and you'll be treated as a spy? Guess not... oops."

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><p>Tsuna awoke, for the second time that day, to birds singing the Italian National Anthem, an energetically blazing sun, and a cloudless sky. Wait! The ITALIAN NATION ANTHEM? The events of today's specially reserved hell-on-earth returned and pitifully, Tsuna groaned. Life sucked - the basic rule that all students of Reborn understood.<p>

Climbing to his feet, Tsuna noticed with a jolt of shock that he was standing in the picturesque guardens of Vongola HQ 400 years ago. Not cool. A blonde man clad in a billowing black cloak comepletely unpractical in relation to the steaming weather walked around the corner and stared at him.

"Uh... hi? Primo?" Tsuna's body shook uncontrollably as he greeted the first Vongola boss.

"How did you get in here? Are you a spy? And what in God's name are you wearing?" Primo asked, regarding his successor with wariness.

"Hey, blondie! Don't insult the tenth or I'll blow you away," growled Gokudera who, with the rest of the Decimo Guardian, was awake.

"Herbivore. They're called clothes. Or is that word too advanced for your herviorous brain?" You can probably guess who said that.

"Guys, it's Vongola Primo!" screamed Tsuna, "Don't yell at him!"

Chastised by his beloved boss, Gokudera fell to his knees and hit his head repeatedly on the ground. "I'm sorry, Primo! I don't deserve to be the right-hand man of the Tenth!"

Primo chuckled nervously, reminded of his own best friend. Now that he thought about it, all of the other teens bore striking resembelances to his Guardians except the cow-child-_thing._

Suddenly, a group of two hundred men wearing black jumped randomly out of nearby bushes. Their apparent leader strode forward and glared daggers and him.

"We, loyal men of Fiancata Family, have come to eliminate you and take your Vongola ring! Submit and we shall give you a quick death," cried the man.

"Oh crap, I don't have my Guardians with me now and I have to protect these random kids," Primo muttered. A streak of orange sped across the sky and amazed, he looked up. Lo and behold, there was that scrawny boy from earlier taking out one... two...three... _trained assassins._

All the other 'children' activated their Vongola Gear and jumped into action.

"Kufufufu, how many have you got?" asked Mukuro who have convinently replaced Chrome, "I already have seventeen."

"Fifty-two," Hibari replied curtly and took out another ten men with one sweep of his cloud-flame encased tonfa. "Sixty-two."

Primo stared in shock and amazement as he watched seven kids single-handedly take out an entire legion of Fiancatas.

"Primo! Look out!" said the kid with brown hair. Primo whirled around just in time to dodge a stream of bullets. Then, the sniper fell to the ground with his throat encased in a steel handcuff.

"Hn. We're late."

His six Guardians stepped into view.

_~Next Chapter~_

_What will Primo's Guardians say to the sudden appearances of their exact look-alikes? What will Primo himself say? To be revealed... soon._

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><p><strong>And that's it! Cliff-hanger for now... MWAHAHAHA! Yeah, again, please review! Thanks if you did or are going to (probably nobody... :'-( I never get reviews anyhoo... JK, JK)<strong>

**Hehehe.**

**Bibi for now!**


	2. EXTREME Staring Contest, Mafia Style

**YAY! I got SO many reviews... OK, maybe not that many, but that's a lot for me! :) I know that this is a terrible way to repay all the wonderful people who reviewd, favorited, and alerted my humble story, but whatever. Warning: nothing really gets solved here. Enjoy if you can! I promise the next chapter will be a bit more on the serious side.**

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><p>Chapter 2: EXTREME Staring Contest, Mafia Style<p>

Tsuna stared at Primo.

Primo stared at Tsuna.

The Decimo Guardians stared at the Primo Guardians.

The Primo Guardians stared at the Decimo Guardians.

The result? One giant, full-fledged Mafia starting contest.

"Ahahahaha...?" ventured Tsuna.

"Ehehehehe...?" began Primo.

And naturally, there was only one person in the world who could actually bring this no-good duo (Mafia Boss or not) to their possibly non-existent senses: the sadistic hitman Reborn. Noncholantly, said baby leapt up and gave Tsuna a merciless kick to his head.

"HIEEEEEEEEE! Reborn!" the Decimo cried indignantly as he nursed the growing bump in his hair.

"Che, idiots, what are you wearing?" snarled G irritabally.

"Pinkie! How dare you insult the flawless Tenth? I'll blow you away!" Gokudera pulled out two handfuls of dynamite.

"Hn. You're intruding on Vongola Mansion. I'll arrest you," said Alaude decisively, springing towards his 'enemies'.

"You annoy me. I'll bite you to death," Hibari replied and blocked Alaude's swing.

Glare. _I'm not the one who's intruding._

Glare. _I'm not the one who's annoying._

Glare. _Yes you are._

Glare. _I doubt that._

The Clouds simultaneously jumped back and, cliche-ly (No, it's not a word, people... it'd be funny if it was!), circled each other with sadistic looks that promised death in their eyes.

"HIEEE! Hibari-san! Don't kill him!" gasped Tsuna. Primo wondered if the cool, calm, and boss-ish kid from before had been replaced with this pathetic excuse of a human being. Not that he should be talking.

"Weakling, what makes you think that this other weakling could arrest me?" growled Alaude. The blond turned his menacing stare towards the Decimo.

"Masters, tea!" a tall, bald man in a black suit, obviously used to the chaotic events that surrounded his home, announced and pulled over a large cart filled with cake, pastries, cookies, crackers, biscuits, coffee, chocolate, and finally, tea.

Alaude proceded to forget about his planned killing spree and took a cup of black coffe instead. Hibari, on the other hand, opted for some green tea. Both Guardians spat their drinks out seconds later.

"Herbivores... why is there... brown goo... at the bottom of my tea?"

"Weaklings, care to explain why... there are chunks of... pineapple... floating in this coffee?"

Wasting no time, the two skylarks hurled slices of fudge cake at the aghast crowd. They all landed on either Tsuna's or Gioto's unhappy and abused faces.

"HEY! You! How DARE you fill Giotto's perfect countenance with CHOCOLATE!" hollered G with a face that could have been mistaken for a plump tomato. The pink hair only furthured the tomato-ish (OK, what is up with me making words today?) effect.

"Nufufufu, G., it sounds like you're gay." Deamon raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"WHY YOU!" An illusionary pie topped with a mountain of whipped cream flew full-force at the furious Primo Storm's head.

"EXTREME! FOOD FIGHT!" yelled Ryohei and Knuckles at exactly the same time, EXTREMELY running towards the unfortunate cart and chucking cookies at Lambo.

"GAHAHAHA! FEED LAMBO-SAMA!" The cow-child opened his gaping mouth and swallowed the cookies whole, before spitting them out at Yamamoto and Asari when he realized that they tasted oddly of toilet water.

Then, clearly agitated, he took out a few grenades and pulled the pins. They exploded, blowing up the already mutated tea table and scattering sweets everywhere.

The Vongola food-fight continued.

More cakes were tossed around, more pastries were pulverized, more biscuits were blown up, and the previously perfect Vongola Gardens were, in one word, totallyabsolutelyEXTREMELY_pulverized_. Is that one word? Of course it is.

Un-noticed, the butler slipped away before he could get caught up in this mess. He would most certainly need to have a word with the cooks.

Almost an hour later, fourteen disheveled Guardians were standing across from each other.

Tsuna stared at Primo, AGAIN.

Primo stared at Tsuna, AGAIN.

The Decimo Guardians stared at the Primo Guardians, AGAIN.

The Primo Guardians stared at the Decimo Guardians, AGAIN.

The result? One giant, full-fledged Mafia starting contest, AGAIN.

"Ahahahaha...?" ventured Tsuna, AGAIN.

"Ehehehehe...?" began Primo, AGAIN.

And, AGAIN, Tsuna's face was reunited with its old friend, the floor, as Reborn kicked him in the head. AGAIN.

"So... people... who are you again?" asked Primo. Tsuna chuckled weakly.

"Um... that was late..." he muttered under his breath.

"YOU! Are you insulting the Boss's ultimate perfection?" roared G.

"Kufufufu, here you go again with that gay talk."

G. salvaged a piece of pineapple from Alaude's rejected coffee and threw it at Mukuro.

"Kufufufu... You did NOT just throw a PINEAPPLE at me," said Mukuro, trident in hand. He made an illusion of a cooked octupus and sent it rushing towards the other Guardian.

Asari, Yamamoto, Lampo, Lambo, Knuckles, Ryohei, Alaude, and Hibari took the hint and began the food fight... AGAIN.

Night found the Vongola Guardians still chucking all the food items and non-food items they could find at each other, even Hibari and Alaude. Hell really did freeze over...

Dawn, instead, found all fourteen maniacs passed out at the center of a devestated garden.

It's suprising what a poo-filled cup of tea and a pineapple-filled cup of coffee can do.

**Hate it? Love it? REVIEW! PLEASE! Hits, favorites, and alerts are all exceedingly awesome but reviews make the world go 'round! Are you sick of exclamation points? THEN REVIEW! I know... I'm being annoying but I just can't help it. So...**

**REVIEWWWWWWW!**

**Ok, I'm cool now.**

**Cool enough to say bye, actually.**

**So bye!**

**And remember...**

**RREEVVIIEEWW!**

**Maybe I'm not so cool...**

**Edit: Right everyone. I'm back. And posted for specially of Spade, a special chapter about how 'crap got into Hibari's tea' and pineapples.**

Of Pineapples and Poo:

Delle was upset that there was a squealing, squalling, freakin' two-year-old crawling around the floors of her Vongola Kitchens. And that is the greatest understatement of the century. Did I mention that a poor, innocent baby who's much too young to die is trapped in the house of seven homicidal but rather sweet idiots and then some more? No, didn't think so.

Naturally, the kid's mother had all hell to pay at the hands of the Devil on earth (for the moment anyways, since we all know that the real Devil is Reborn), otherwise known as Delle Baumstor, head chef of the number one Mafia family.

Let's rewind.

Delle was happily yelling at stupid servants who were slacking off and a few inept cooks. Then, she realized that there was a baby on the table. And this baby was NOT the creepy violent baby who had arrived with the creepy violent teenagers a while ago. No, this baby was a totally normal baby.

So she went up to the maid who seemed to be baby's mom and asked her WHY THE FUCKING HELL IS THERE A BABY HERE?

Guess what the bitch said?

"Oh, isn't it bring you child to work day? I'm sure it is."

"IT'S NEVER BRING YOUR CHILD TO WORK DAY WHEN WORK REFERS IN ANY WAY TO THE VONGOLA!" Delle practically screamed. I put 'practically' in there because the sound that came out of her mouth was too loud to be described by the word 'scream'.

Confronted by a furious (again, understatement) head chef, the poor woman took off in a cloud of dust and totally forgot about the baby. Said baby was still happily gurgling away on the table. And_ drooling_ over the silk tablecloth that had just been washed.

Note to self: Do NOT leave baby unsupervised.

So after a fierce internal debate, Delle decided to bring the little creature into the kitchens and give it a bowl of pineapples to eat/play with.

Then, she read a note that said to bring fifty cups of tea and fifty cups of coffee in silver cups in five minutes or else she'd be fired.

The note had been written two minutes ago. With movements as quick as Primo when he was fighting, Delle sped around and completed her task with one minute to spare.

looked at the baby's bowl. It was empty. She saw some pineapple floating in a cup of coffee. Shit. The yellow pieces of hell sunk to the bottom.

Delle noticed a horrid sight out of the corner of her eye. The baby was squatting over a cup a tea and a small ball of brown plopped into the green liquid. Shit again... literally.

Then again, how could the masters happen to pick those two particular cups out of, like, a gazillion? They usually didn't even drink one. Delle checked the clock. Thirty seconds left. Perfect.

An hour later, the butler told arrived and broke the news. "Master Alaude and the guest had unpleasant beverages and began a food-fight. The garden is destroyed."

Oh, joy**.**

**And that's that. All cleared up, pretty much... yeah. SO I HAVE 10 REVIEWS! Awesome! I need one more to get to the next chapter. I swear this will only happen once. 11's my favorite number! Yeah. Anyways, whoever is the 11th reviewer will have their name somehow honored later in this story just because I like 11 so much.**

**Why do I like 11? Guess.**

**Hint: Tsuna is Vongola X. _Duh._**


	3. Filler Chapter: Sky Appears

**Anyways, I'm actually very HAPPY with my reviews! Thanks to everyone who reviewed! You all rule! I changed this chapter up a bit, though, cause it sucked. *REVIEWWWWWW people!* Also, Sky is my character for AnimeLuver2224, the eleventh reviewer! I hope this is an accurate portrayal...**

Giotto woke up to a face full of chocolate cream, a terrified 'HIEEE!" somewere far away, and no clue as to where he was or what had happened to him. And why in the name of Alaude's Italian flag print underpants was he covered in a layer of..._ honey_?

Oh, right.

Someone had put pineapples in Alaude's coffee.

With a tortured moan, Giotto tottered to his feet and surveyed the scene of mass destruction before him. Rare flowers had been trampled, half of the ducks in the duck ponder were dead, and the ornate fountain imported from Russia was covered by a layer of cookie crumbs and spit. Poor gardener...

As if to make his day even worse than it already was, everyone shifted and sat up.

"Oi, bastards, where's the Tenth?" grumbled the G look-alike blearily, disregarding the fact that an enormous octopus was clinging to his silver hair.

"Tsuna'll be fine! He's boss, ne?" The Asari look-alike laughed and scratched the back of his head.

A cacaphony of alarm bells instantly went off inside Giotto's head. Boss? A rival Family? What the heck? And never mind the fact that these weirdos acted exactly like his own Guardians.

A second later, his vision was blocked by a screen of spiky brown hair. Giotto stumbled away and watched as his own clone screamed bloody murder.

"REBORNNNNNN!" An invisible force shredded the boy's messed up clothes, leaving him in heart-patterned boxers. His eyebrows dipped sharply down and his face was red and majorly swollen. A bright orange flame burned on his forehead. Giotto began to wonder if G's UMAs really did exist.

"What the..." he began. His strangled protests were cut off as the crazy dude caught hold of his shoulders with superhuman strength and shook him rapidly.

Giotto, poor, idotic Mafia boss that he was, had no philisophical epichanies as he realized that this was to be his tragic end. The only thoughts racing around his puny brain? 'AHHHHHHHHHHH! I'm going to DIEEEEE!'

The maniac suddenly yelled in his face, "WHERE IS VONGOLA PRIMO! I MUST TELL HIM WHO I AM WITH MY DYING WILL!"

Still in a daze, Giotto pointed randomly at a spot somewhere around him. All he knew was that he wanted to get far, far away, hopefully to that place Asari cam from. What was it again? Jipen? Jupon?

His quavering finger was, unfortunately, directed towards Alaude.

Giotto's assailant sped towards the Cloud in a blur of wind and grabbed him by the collar of his black trench coat.

"WITH MY DYING WILL I WILL TELL VONGOLA PRIMO THAT I AM..." the guy roared in Alaude's ear before the flame on his forehead burnt out. Everyone fell silent.

"Pity," Alaude remarked, calmly detatching the boy's hands from his jacket and grabbing him by his mass of hair, "Now I must interrogate you..." He presented the weeping Tsuna with a sadistic smirk and his blue eyes gleamed.

Before anyone - including the furious Gokudera - could stop the bloodthirsty spymaster, an old butler appeared from behind the ruined fountain. He frowned at the mess before him, then bowed deeply to the girl behind him.

"Master Primo, your sister Sky has been kind enough to pay you a short visit." The poor man quickly left, probably to fill a retirement form.

Sky stared at Alaude for a moment, then began to giggle maniacally.

"AWWW! Alaudie-poo, are you trying to kiss the naked boy? Are you, are you? I never knew you were gay! You two are just so CUUTTTE together! Are you gonna propose, Alaudikins? I wanna be your maid of honor!"

Alaude blushed to the roots of his pale hair and stalked furiously away.

"Ha? Alaude is shy? AWWWW!" Sky skipped over to Giotto and poked his red cheeks.

"Who gave her coffee?" the Primo muttered sullenly.

"Giotto! You need to shower! And who are these cute little kids you have?" squealed Sky.

_~~Silence~~_

Everyone, from the terrified Tsuna to the indigant Hibari, fled inside and followed Alaude to the mansion's hot springs.

Sky looked at their backs and giggled.

"So much energy, they all have!"

**Yep. That's it. Not much... I'll make the next chapter longer...?**

**Please review! If you don't, Alaude will take out his anger with Tsuna on you!**

**And lots of thanks to the fantastic people who reviewed! I will give you virtual cookies! And lots and lots of brownie points!**

**Also, here's a few couplets about the characters:**

My name is Hayato and I am the Storm,

I worship Tsuna and Master Reborn.

My name is Tsuna and I am the Sky,

Because I'm a loser I always cry.

My name is Ryohei and I am the Sun,

My EXTREME fist is as strong as a gun.

My name is Lambo and I am the Thunder,

I get hit by an octopus whenever I blunder.

My name is Takeshi and I am the Rain,

To me the Mafia is just a game.

My name is Mukuro and I am the Mist,

Seeing pineapples gets me really pissed.

My name is Hibari and I am the Cloud,

I really hate it when herbivores crowd.

**Haha... just random crap I made in five minutes...**


	4. IMPORTANT QUESTIONS YOU MUST ANSWER!

**Firstly, sorry to all of those people who thought that this was a new chapter... it isn't.**

**So. I already got WAY more reviews than I expected, which is making me jump around like last chapter's Sky on coffee and laugh madly everytime I think about my awesome reviewers/reviews.**

**Therefore, I am doing one of those vote thingies that everyone does at some point. I hope it turns out better than my last one...? No seriously, NO ONE voted on my last story and I was like '_meanies'_ and it was not good. So I hope that this goes well. Humor me?**

**These are important questions, for me, though.**

**And without any further ado, I shall present the vote thingies.**

**QUESTION #1: ****Should I have any pairings for Sky? **

**a) NO! That's gross! **

**b) GxSky (Quite reasonable actually, since I love Gokudera/Haru and Sky is similar to like, drunk Haru)**

**c) AsarixSky **

**d) AlaudexSky**

**e) LampoxSky**

**f) Other**

**QUESTION #2: What flame type should Sky have?**

**a) Sky...?**

**b) Storm**

**c) Sun**

**d) Lightning/Thunder**

**e) Rain**

**f) Mist**

**g) Cloud**

**ANSWER THEM WITH YOUR DYING WILL! I NEED TO KNOW HOW TO MAKE SKY AWESOME-ER!**

**Bye-bii~! then!**

***Cue abrupt departure by yours truly***

**EDIT: **

**The results are~~~~**

**Question 1:**

**Sky will be paired with Alaude, but I'll make it so faint you'll only see it if you want to. Sorry if this isn't what you wanted.**

**Question 2:**

**Sky will have Sky Flames with Sun Flames when she's on coffee. That was pretty much what everyone wanted...**

**So yeah.**


	5. Beware: Schizophreniacs Beyond the Door

**35 reviews and counting! I know that that's not a lot for some people, but it totally is for me! YAYY! I'm HAPPY! Yeah, so here's the next chapter, duh. It's really boring until the end, but the next scene is where they'll actually fight for real. **

**This is honestly not the best way to repay you for your efforts. I'm sorry; don't horribly murder me. **

**As for my questions, I haven't decided whether to do Alaude, G, or none. The vote for Question 1 is still going on. VOTE, people who haven't voted!**

**Sky's flames are going to be sky permanently (I spelled that wrong but I'm too lazy to use Spell Check) with sun if she gets enough coffee.**

**And remember, REVIEW! **

**It makes me happy, which happens the be the biggest understatement of the century.**

**Disclaimer (GASP! I'm doing one of these!): Do ridiculous, sparkly vampires exist? Obviously, no. Do I own KHR? Also, obviously no. Amano Akira does.**

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><p><em>Beware: Schizophreniacs Beyond this Door<em>

Fourteen people, dressed in oh-so-Mafia-ish bathrobes, were standing around the Vongola hot springs. Why? They were terrified that the coffee-crazy girl outside would scar them for life if they opened the door.

Yes, the two most powerful generations of the Vongola Family were reduced to sniveling cowards just because of Giotto's sister.

The Decimos and the Primos did the natural thing - they resumed their epic staring contest.

"Herbivore... Hurry up and tell the other herbivores to get that... omnivore... girl away from the door so I can leave and eat the dinner prepared by the herbivore chefs," grumbled Hibari, scowling.

"Tsunayoshi, I agree," seconded Mukuro with a glare.

"So, who are you?" Giotto frowned, regarding the newcomers suspiciously. They had taken out the Fiancatas, but that could be a trick, right?

Tsuna could only watch in mute horror as his Guardians' glares were directed at his ancestor.

"Ah... yeah. I guess we should tell you? Maybe?" Nervously, he scratched the back of his head and waited for someone to say something.

Unluckily, that person was Reborn.

"Loser Tsuna! Talk to them!" squeaked the baby, kicking his pupil in his usual, painful manner.

"Well... we're... sorta... ... ... how do I explain this? Gya! I'm doomed! You see, I'm actually..." Tsuna began. "Oh, SCREW THIS!" He produced a box of pills from their storage place in the fourth dimension and swallowed two exasparatedly. A vibrantly glowing flame appeared on his forehead and his eyes turned a freaky, supernatural orange.

"I am Vongola Decimo."

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><p>Giotto was seriously freaking out. This oddball who was actually being bullied by a fedora-wearing <em>baby<em> had some serious issues with schizophrenia. So first, he was a wimpy loser who actually sorta reminded the Primo of himself, then he was a cool, controlled boss, then he was some sort of perverted freak, and seriously, who knows how many more split personalities he has. Talk about messed up.

And there was also the issue that he just claimed to be the tenth Vongola Boss. Giotto was pretty sure that he had no kids running around and that _he_ was the Boss.

Thus, his eloquent response was "GAHH?". How boss-ly.

Choking on his own spit, the Primo stared at the boy in open-mouthed wonder. Luckily, his right-hand man chose that very moment to intervene.

"Che, don't challenge Giotto's awesome authority," snarled G.

"You're the one challenging the Tenth's power," replied G's silver haired version.

"Giotto has way more power than that scrawny brat."

"I WILL BLOW YOU AWAY FOR INSULTING THE AMAZING TENTH!" G's aggravator pulled out his trademark handful of dynamites.

"Gokudera-kun, please stope," boomed a deep and sophisticated voice. The 'scrawny brat' turned to Giotto, ignoring his friend's fervent apologies for 'annoying the Tenth'.

"As I said, I am supposed to be Vongola Decimo. My friends and I came from the future to help you deal with the family who possesses the Mare Rings, since we have already defeated our time's Mare Ring holders," continued the boy.

Giotto studied him intently. His hyper intuition was screaming that the intruder was telling the truth, but his common sense was screaming the exact opposite.

"Argh... yeah. Your family?" he muttered, deciding to go with the safer route.

"This is my Storm Guardian and right-hand man, Gokudera Hayato." The boy who had been threatening G with dynamites glared hard at Giotto.

"If you hurt the Tenth, I will kill you," he scowled. How very, very pleasant. Way to make a first impression, Gokudera.

"Yamamoto Takeshi, my Rain Guardian," continued Giotto's successor, gesturing towards a grinning boy who frighteningly resembled Asari.

"Sasagawa Ryohei, my Sun Guardian."

"EXTREME!" the teen who had been arm wrestling with Knuckles roared. Simply charming.

"Rokudo Mukuro, my Mist Guardian. He alternates with Chrome, my other Mist Guardian." Giotto recognized the next boy as the one who had been having a fighting match before.

"I will possess you. You seem to be worthy of my attention." Pervert, anyone?

"Hibari, my..." began the Decimo.

Hibari gave him an irratable stare and muttered, "Don't group me with those other idiotic herbivores." Really, the tenth generation was quite the... unique... group.

"Cloud. And I'm Tsuna, the Sky Guardian," Tsuna finished. Suddenly, his amber eyes widened and he gasped, "Where did Lambo go?" The flame on his forehead died out.

"HIEEEE!" shrieked Tsuna. There it was - the freaky mood swing.

_Hey, Loser Version of You, how's it going?_ thought Giotto sarcastically.

"Tenth! I'll find the stupid cow!" yelled Gokudera as he climbed out of the hot springs and ran around, producing bombs as he went. Apparently, the last member of Tsuna's family was a _cow_ and named _Lambo._

Giotto decided that the Decimos were completely crazy as chaos took over before his very eyes.

Hibari and Alaude had decided that this was the perffect time to fight, Yamamoto and Asari were trying - and failing - to calm everyone down, Ryohei and Kuckles were punching holes in the walls, and both Mukuro and Daemon were gone. Lampo, unconcerned about his successor's fate, had fallen asleep.

Then, the door opened. Everyone stilled as a sweetly smiling Sky carried Lambo in. Cringing, Giotto prepared for the worst.

"Giotto, I found a baby! I'm going to put him to bed, okay? See ya," said his sister happily. His breathing patterns returned to normal as he realized that the after-effects of Sky drinking coffee had vanished.

"Sure..." he breathed as she walked away, humming something that sounded suspiciously like Mozart.

Alaude rolled his eyes in a most un-Alaude-ly manner and stared/glared hard at her receding back. **(A/N: I'm sorry if this looks like the beginning of an AlaudexSky, but honestly, Sky practically called him GAY. He has to react to her.)**

"Now," snarled G into the following silence, "How can we trust you? You look like you suck at fighting."

Giotto laughed nervously, remembering Tsuna's Guardians' ridiculous power. "Eh... G?"

And that, of course, had to be when the ceiling caved in and about a billion men wearing ninja suits jumped out of random hiding places.

With weapons.

Giotto's first reaction was the normal one: 'AHHHHHHH! Creepy, stalker-looking men just jumped at me in the hot springs! Go away, potential rapists!'

His second was way more boss-like: 'Must go into Dying Will Mode. Must protect my Family. Must eat chocolate afterwards to reduce my stress while doing paperwork.' No, Giotto had never been very creative.

Following his body's orders, he began to fight. Flailing bodies fell around him and blood splatterd the plaster walls as assassin after assassin died horrible and painful deaths.

Giotto only noticed that they all looked _exactly the same_ when it was to late.

**Ha! Cliffie! Wait for the next chapter eagerly... and review even more eagerly! Just kidding... Don't you hear my sarcasm? **

**But still review.**

**And for everyone who was nice enough to review/read to this point, cookies!**


	6. Of Unicorns and Rainbows

**Another chapter... is there much to say at this point?**

**Yes, there is, according to me, at least. I have a question. A generic question, which YOU must answer. MUST. Just kidding.**

**So the question is *DRUM ROLL*: Do you know of any awesome martial arts weapons? At all? Because I don't. HELP ME, KIND PEOPLES, AT THIS MOMENT OF NEED! Dramatic.**

**On with the story.**

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><p><em>Chapter Five: Unicorns and Rainbows, Among Other Things<em>

Giotto was _not_ having a good day, unless you define having a 'good day' as finding a bunch of kids who claim to be from the future invade your highly guarded mansion, having a crazy, not to mention immature, foodfight with said children, getting attacked by your maniacal, coffee-drunk sister, and being invaded by a bunch of ninja-wannabes who all look the same in the _hot springs_.

This was the _last straw_.

With a cry of much warranted frustration, Giotto unleashed the full and formidable power of his I-Burner upon the remaining assassins. Tsuna, oh-so-bright Mafia Boss that he was, decided to do the same thing at the same time.

Both attacks canceled each other out quite effectively, leaving the users almost completely drained. Go figure.

Of course, that just had to be the when the sound of some very cliche 'evil dude' laughter began to echo off of the half-standing walls. It sounded like this: **MWA HAHAHAHA!** A figure wearing a cloak of cloud flames leapt in epic-ly through the hole in the ceiling and splayed his fingers, revealing the glittering Cloud Mare Ring.

Giotto's first instinct was to scream, "HEY! You're copying my awesome cape! I WILL SUE YOU!"

So he did.

Ignoring the anticlimatical interruption of his dramatic entrance, the Mare Cloud Guardian growled, "I am the Mare Cloud Guardian of the Fiancata Family and I have come to destroy you."

"I totally _did not_ know that," Giotto muttered sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

Again ignoring the anticlimatical interuption of his dramatic entrance, the Mare Cloud Guardian (henceforth MCG) continued, "Ha! Did you notice that all those assassins looked the same?"

"Uh, YES?" Giotto rolled his eyes once more.

MCG ignored the anticlimatical interuption of his dramatic entrance for the third time and said, "It's because I can use my Cloud Flames to make duplicates of any also with Cloud Flames that are ten times weaker than my own!"

"You just told us the limits of your power, retarded herbivore," stated Hibari and rolled _his_ eyes.

Tsuna, however, was so stunned by this extraordinary power that he accidentally killed off his Dying WIll flame and screamed "HIEEEEE!" at a pitch that made Justin Bieber's attempts to 'sing' sound almost manly. **(A/N: Do not be offended. Even the most devout Bieber fans must admit that he has a ...high ... voice.)**

"Ha! Quake, you worthless Vongolas, for I shall end your miserable existances!" crowed MCG.

Alaude and Hibari were particularly aggravated by this insult as it was usually them doing the insulting and them with the strong Cloud Flames. Also, the intruder was quite obviously herbivorous.

Together, they flew at MCG with narrowed eyes and flashing, deadly, purple-pinkish weapons. MCG pulled out two fans. For a second, Hibari and Alaude were caught off guard as they realized that, standing before them, was a man who flought with fans. Never having experienced such an obvious insult to their masculinities, they quite visibly blanched. That gave MCG just the opening he was looking for.

With two powerful sweeps of his feminine, not to mention purple, weapons, he sent both Guardians crashing into the much-abused walls.

Giotto took this as his cue to step forward and pull out his I-Gloves **(A/N: Hehe... APPLE PRODUCT MUCH?)** with an epic cloak-swirl.

"GIOTTO! What are you doing? That dude's gonna KILL you! RECKLESS IDIOT!" screamed G, freaking out at the thought of his beloved boss dying.

"Reckless is my middle name, G." Giotto, again with a flourish, ignited his orange flame and took what he thought was a cool fighting stance. Instead, he managed to pull of a perfect I'm-trying-to-pee-even-though-my-coffee-crazy-sister-kicked-me-in-the-_spot_ look. Which, believe it or not, had actually happened. Anyways.

"NOO! Your middle name is Baldovino!" G was certainly not placated. The rest of the room (with the notable exception of one Giotto BALDOVINO Sawada), however, dissolved into snickers.

Giotto, in his desparate attempts to prove himself despite his middle name, charged like a crazy bull in a crazy bull-fight in a ring filled with a crazy crowd in a crazy place that tolerated animal abuse. He forgot that the crazy bulls were usually the ones who ended up dying. Also, he was at half-power.

Giotto was quite easily defeated.

As was the avengeful Tsuna, who rather liked his crazy ancestor with his epic cloak and epic smart mouth and epic middle name and general epic-ness.

As was the avengeful Gokudera.

As were the other avengeful Primo Guardians.

As were the other avengeful Decimo Guardians.

And, predidictably, the last one standing or in any other similar state of conciousness was the almighty Reborn. Who was _very_ irratated by the bodies around him. Who also released a completely black killing aura. Who also also had his Leon-gun cocked and more than ready to shoot the idiot in front of him.

"Errr, why are you here, ugly baby? Isn't your mommy worried?" asked the idiot, a.k.a MCG, well... idiotically. Because nobody, and I repeat, NOBODY, calls Reborn an ugly baby and suggests that he can't take care of himself and uses that patronizing tone and lives to tell the tale.

Obliviously, MCG put away his fans and approached the fuming Arcobaleno. He was promptly shot back out of the hole in the roof by Reborn's Leon Gun and sailed into the air, unconcious. His last thoughts were 'I have to be careful of babies, next time..." Enter, baby-phobia.

Reborn, on the other hand, stood smirking his usual Reborn smirk and turned to the limp bodies strewn around him.

"Dame-Tsuna, Dame-Primo... Hell is waiting for you when you wake up."

In their dreams of unicorns and rainbows and Lala-lands, Tsuna and Giotto trembled.

**Yeah, a relatively crappy chapter. Live with it. Sorry, I feel sorta mean today... live with it.**

**Remember, tell me about weapons! Weapons are good! Join the Dark Side! Look at my profile if you want more information about the pros and (non-existant) cons about joining the Dark Side! Side-tracked...**

**Bye for now...**

**~ TheAloofBunny!**


	7. Good Little Boys and Girls Don't Do This

**YAY! Halfway to one hundred reviews! A billion thank yous to all the fantastic people who reviewed! I WILL JUMP AROUND LIKE A DEMENTED PERSON WITH MENTAL ISSUES AND SCREAM IN JOY AND BRAG AND... yeah.**

**THANK YOU!**

**MERCI!**

**ARIGATOU!**

**XIE-XIE!**

**GRACIAS!**

**Anyways, this is not the best chapter. ...Enjoy?**

**Remember! REVIEWWW! WE'RE HALF WAY THERE, SO HELP ME AND BE NICE AND EXTREMELY AWESOME AND REVIEW!**

***Starts singing Living on a Prayer***

**Hehe.**

_Chapter 6: Good Little Boys and Girls Don't Do This_

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><p><em>Tsuna crouched on the ground, shaking in unrestrained fear as a black-suited unicorn glared down at him with its beady eyes. The fedora perched jauntily on its head seemed to be laughing at him...<em>

_At that moment, a perfect rainbow arced across the sky. Tsuna sighed in relief; the gallant Sir Arcobaleno had come to save him! Seven babies emerged from the colorful stripe and he frowned. Babies? Really?_

_Then, the unicorn's green hooves slammed into his head._

**WHAM!**

Shivering, the Mafia Boss to Be leapt up from his guest bed and looked around for carnivorous, black-suited, fedora-wearing, green hooves-bearing unicorns. None. There was, however, a carnivorous, black-suited, fedora-wearing, green-Leon-hammer holding baby. Oh, joy. And how did this courageous, noble young boy react? Yep, you guessed it.

"HIEEEEEEEE! Reborn!"

Smirking like the Devil incarnate (which, arguably, he was), the hitman in question said, "Hurry up, Dame-Tsuna, and get downstairs. Or else..."

Tsuna yelped in genuine fear and proceeded to run around the room, tearing at his hair, as he searched for his clothes.

An incredible five minutes later, he huffed and puffed (and epicly failed to blow the mansion down) his way down the stairs and into the training room. How did he know just exactly how to get there, you ask? It's one of those anime things where the characters come with GPSs. Useful, indeed.

Anyways.

Tsuna walked in to see a terrible sight. As in, a million assassins ready to chop you to bloody bits bad. Worse. Better described by seeing your bed full of small, creepy crawly spiders and maggots ready to inject you with poison that will leave you writhing in utter agony for hours. Even worse. Most similar to being submitted to torture by every medieval torture device ever created, and then healed by Sun Flames, and then tortured, and then healed, and over and over again. Wait - that's not even close to the horror.

No, standing in the middle of the room were two Reborns. Or, to be exact, Reborn and a dude who looked like Adult Reborn. Tsuna gasped at the horror of it all.

Giotto, who huffed and puffed (and again, didn't blow the house down) his way in must have thought of similar things.

"Dear Lord, there are two of them," he breathed, eyes widening almost comically. "Two Mr. Rinatos! TWO!"

Cue Tsuna's high-pitched "HIEEEEEEEEEE!"

And that was when Giotto noticed that maybe, just maybe, he could finally be the torturer and not the tortured since Tsuna came around. Yes, he forgot how strong his descendant was as he was blinded by the light of his amazing epiphany.

"We'll be training you, successor dearest," smirked Giotto, pulling a quick mood-change. It's hard to pull of a maniacally evil laugh in a lion-cub patterned 'sleeping robe' (Tsuna privately thought it looked like a dress) and shower cap (Giotto didn't like it when his, and I quote, 'super-sexy hair' is messed up by that mean, mean bed) but the Primo gave it his best shot.

Reborn and Mr. Rinato grinned even more intimidatingly and said, perfectly in sync, "No, we'll be training _you guys_."

"We need to see how strong you guys are, so..." started Rinato.

"Fight each other." Reborn completed the order without missing a beat.

"GYAAAAAAA!" Tsuna and Giotto screamed at each other. The two tutors, on the other hand, were happily exchanging bets on who would win.

Life is really a bitch when you're a Mafia Boss.

Not that it isn't when you aren't.

* * *

><p>"YOU MOTHER-FUCKING PINKIE FREAK! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING? YOUR BOSS IS BETTER THAN THE TENTH? DREAM ON!"<p>

Gokudera was, in a nutshell, not pleased. Understatement alert...

"BOSS IS THE MOST AMAZING PERSON EVER EVEN THOUGH HE'S DUMB SOMETIMES!"

G wasn't a happy camper either.

"NOO! DID PRIMO EVER TRAVEL TO THE FUTURE TO SAVE THE WORLD AND DESTROY THE MARE RING FOREVER? I DON'T THINK SO, ASSHOLE!"

"DOES YOUR TENTH EVER EAT CHOCOLATE CAKE UNTIL HE CAN'T BREATHE? HE WILL WHEN HELL FREEZES!"

Awkward silence.

"... I MEANT, DID YOUR TENTH FOUND THE GREATEST MAFIA FAMILY EVER? YOU DREAM!" Blushing, G pulled out his gun and pointed it at Gokudera.

They settled their differences like real men.

That is, they had all-out battle.

(Remember, good little boys and girls don't do so.)

* * *

><p>Yamamoto and Asari were drinking tea.<p>

Of all the things to do on his hectic day (like stopping two octupi from tearing apart the mansion), they were drinking tea.

"My favorite type of tea is Maccha. It has a most excellent flavor. What's yours, Yamamoto-kun?" asked Asari conversationally.

"I like Sencha, actually. It goes good with the sushi my old man makes!" The two placid Rain Guardians sipped happily for the next few minutes.

"Do you want to spar a little?" asked Asari when his cup was empty.

"Haha, sure! Let's go!"

They began to 'spar'.

So much for peace.

* * *

><p>"EXTREME!" Ryohei roared, running around the boxing ring like he was slightly demented.<p>

"Yeah, it's definitely EXTREME!" Knuckles was equally excited. Forget his vow to never box again, forget his total godliness - here was another EXTREME dude who EXTREMELY love boxing as much as he EXTREMELY did.

They started to box.

No more need be said.

* * *

><p>"Hn."<p>

"Hn."

"Let's fight, herbivore."

"Why not? I'm bored, so bring it. Prey."

Blood, guts, and gore splattered all over the park as many small animals were killed in the Cloud Guardians' mad struggles to kill each other. Weep for their terminated souls.

Of course, the preserve was already empty by then, courtesy of twin death glares.

* * *

><p>Lambo and Lampo were still sleeping. What did you expect?<p>

* * *

><p>Mukuro and Daemon <strong>[THE CONTENTS OF THIS PARARAPH ARE CENSORED FOR YOUR MENTAL WELL-BEING. THANK YOU.]<strong>

* * *

><p>Just your typical Mafioso.<p>

**And that's it!**

**Please, REVEIW!**

**Or Hibari and Alaude will hunt you down and give you painful deaths...**

**JK, JK.**

**Also, who do you want to win the battles? Primo or Decimo?**

**Still REVIEWWWWWWWWWWWW!**

**And... again... THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO DID REVIEW!**

**Bye-bii~!**

***Goes to take a chill pill***


	8. In Which Giotto Is Severely Disappointed

**Oh my God, I am SOO sorry. Really sorry. Kill me now... on second thought, don't.**

**Anyways, I've been struck by a severe case of Writer's Block. Not any normal Writer's Block, Humorous Writer's Block. Which is all very well considering that this is technically the first humorous thing that I've ever written. So, here it is. I hope I don't disappoint. Even though I probably do.**

**Review if you think that I should live to my next birthday, which happens to be five months away! **

_Chapter 7: In Which Giotto Is Severely Disappointed_

Giotto lay on the floor, wondering how the hell had this tiny slip of a boy who randomly turned up in his garden had actually managed to beat him, Giotto Baldovino Sawada, all-powerful founder of the Vongola, Ruler of the Underworld (Hades feels rejected...), and Scourge of the Nation of Chocolate Cakes. How?

_The battle had stretched for decades upon decades, trying Giotto's soul and courage to the very last ounce. With valiance, he had endeavored to prevail upon this self-righteous userper, this miserable wretch who dared defy his power! Alas, though, for after an eternity of strained fighting, he lay sprawled upon the cold floor and could do nothing more than defy his enemy to his last, feeble breath!_

...Actually, scratch that last paragraph. Giotto had been defeated in three minutes flat, which probably explained the fact that Reborn was happily stuffing bags of gold into his fedora while Mr. Rinato watched with a face that promised a very, very painful death.

Of course, that was when his lovely sister Sky just had to walk in.

Said 'that' being the moment he was lying face-down on the floor with bruises all over his body while Tsuna, still in HDWM, watched smugly.

Sky rolled her eyes and mumbled something that was either "Boys are so immature" or "My toys are in need of a manicure." Let's go with the second one. She walked away.

**(A/N: Credit to I'mTheGirlWhoLearnedToFly)**

"Loser Giotto, that was the most embarassing moment of my life," grumbled Rinato. Giotto thought of interupting with a "No, this is the most embarassing moment of MY life" but thought better of it. "You are the Sky Guardian of the Vongola Family. You are responsible for being the glue that holds your guardians together."

This time, Giotto couldn't help a snarky remark. "Great, my dream is totally to be glue. It sounds so fun!" Rinato didn't have to slam a mallet into Giotto's head. Gokudera burst through the door and did it for him. From which source he obtained aforementioned mallet remains a mystery, though Alaude's weaponry might have been a good guess. How he got into Alaude's weaponry... I don't even want to know.

"HOW DARE YOU MAKE FUN OF THE TENTH'S POSITION LIKE THAT!" screamed the Storm in a fit of vengeful fury.

"HIEEEEE! Gokudera-kun, please don't hurt Giotto-san!" Tsuna left HDWM and, once again, did a 180 degrees mood flip.

_No, you've already hurt me enough for one day,_ thought Giotto irritably. Shakily, he poured all of his remaining strengh into standing up so that he didn't look _that_ helpless. And what did he get for it? An octopus of pi-I mean red- hair in his face. He was knocked down _again._

"YOU LITTLE BASTARD! GET BACK HERE SO I CAN KICK YOUR ASS! YOU SO DID NOT JUST BEAT ME!" screeched a very angry G.

Gokudera smiled smugly and replied, "No can do."

Oh God, even the Decimo GUARDIANS were stronger? Giotto quailed at the thought of Hibari's and Alaude's fight (All that paperwork!) and quailed a little more at the thought of Mukuro and Daemon's.

As if he didn't have enough problems of his own.

On cue, Asari and Yamamoto strolled in... happily.

"Ohayo Giotto-san! Decimo's Rain Guardian is really good! Haha, he even beat me when we sparred!" Asari said... happily.

"Yep! Asari-san, you have great tea!" Yamamoto added... happily.

No, Rain Guardians do not do anything not happily.

Anyways.

"YOU TOO?" Giotto was seriously starting to panic. Just how strong was the Decimo family? And the fact that _one_ Fiancata Guardian had managed to take them all down...

That was just too horrible to contemplate. No, Giotto Baldovino Sawada was not a happy camper.

"EXTREME! I WAS JUST EXTREMELY DEFEATED BY THIS EXTREME PERSON!" roared a certain priest who, at the moment, was not looking very holy at all.

"EXTREME! THAT WAS EXTREME TO THE EXTREME!" his successor responded with equal enthusiasm.

"Another defeat," Giotto sighed.

Lampo and Lambo (Seriously, who names their kid Lampo or Lambo?) walked in, picking their noses in peaceful harmony. They sat in opposite corners and continued their methodical removal of boogers from their noses. Oh well, at least Lampo hadn't lost to a 5-year-old kid.

"The stupid cow is scary when he grows up... He stole my candy," sulked Lampo.

Scratch that.

"Kufufufufu."

"Nufufufufu."

"Kufufufufu."

"Nufufufufu."

"Kufufufufu."

"Nufufufufu."

Dramatically, two pineapples appeared in the room. _Don't tell me Daemon lost,_ Giotto pleaded fervently.

"Kufufufufu, you lost," laughed Mukuro.

"Nufufufufu, I let you." Daemon looked more than a little put out.

Giotto tried to calm down, reminding himself that he had one last - and up to this point, particularly dependable when he wanted to be - hope left, who went by the name of Alaude.

The doors exploded.

In came Hibari and Alaude, surrounded by a storm of tonfas, handcuffs, and Cloud Flames. Which is weird because G should have been the once storming, his flame type being Storm. Knuckles burned and Alaude... floated? That was not right at all. Maybe he could have called the purple flame the Hail Flame, or something more aggressive, because face it - when you think of cloud, you think of white, pure, puffy, and sweet. Not Alaude-ish at all...

But I (or Giotto, whatever works) digress.

Within seconds, Alaude was pinned to the wall by a flaming tonfa. Ouch. Giotto's pain, though, was indefinitely worse. Not only did the poor glue have to know that his strongest Guardian had been defeated, he had to WATCH it. Honestly, how could the ALAUDE have been defeated. It wasn't like he was weak.

"Herbivore. You are weak."

Apparently, Hibari did not agree.

Reborn interrupted before the disappointed (Read: Murderous) Decimo Cloud could kill Alaude. "Good. Now that I have brought you all here, I will explain the problem of the Primo Guardians."

He smirked, and somehow, Giotto knew that his definition of hell was about to get a whole lot worse.

**Yep. Total bull-shit. I know.**

**Again, I'm sorry that I didn't update for THREE WHOLE WEEKS. I'm such a jerk.**

**To make it up, I shall generously inform you of some of the BEST FANFICTIONS EVER that you really must read. Must. They are AMAZING and should have, like, 1,000 reviews already.**

**~A Little Switch (By _Light versus Dark_)**

**~ Two Consecutive Unexpected Happenings (By _fionlao_)**

**~ Rainbow High School (By _long live marshmallows_)**

**~ Be With Me (By _Otaku-chama_)**

**~ Clams Much? (By _Kitsune Freak_)**

**~ And others...**

**So, on that happier note, bye-bii~~!**

**Remember...**

**REVIEW!**

**It makes me happy. By the way, that's an understatement.**


	9. Enter, Action and Blood!

**Okay. So... **

**Around the end of this chapter is when the plot really starts to pick up and stuff and it gets actually serious. And bloody-ish. Yeah. ****For the next couple of chapters, I'm going to write like I usually do outside of FanFanfiction. Don't worry, though! HUMOR WILL RETURN!**

**Also, don't forget to take the poll at the bottom of the page!**

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><p><em>Chapter 8: Enter, Action and Blood!<em>

Tsuna seriously expected to "HIEEE!" about a million times as Reborn spoke. No, really, he did. What he didn't expect was that Reborn would actually begin with a "Once upon a time." He couldn't help it. He just couldn't.

Tsunayoshi Sawada, Mafia-Boss-in-training, loser, pipsqueak, and (sometimes) cheesy hero, sniggered. At _Reborn._

Said infant's eyes narrowed dangerously as he, surrounded by a blazing black aura, turned dramatically towards his pupil. Okay, so maybe the fact that he was a totally ADORABLE baby sorta made it not as intimidating, but still, he tried. "Are you laughing at me, Dame-Tsuna?"

Tsuna gulped.

Primo gulped.

Gokudera gulped.

G gulped.

Ryohei gulped.

Kuckles gulped.

Lambo gulped.

Lampo gulped.

Yamamoto gulped.

Asari gulped.

Daemon gulped.

Mukuro gulped.

Hibari glared.

Alaude glared.

Figures that the Cloud Guardians would break the dramatic sequence... Anyways.

So Reborn was advancing in all his deadly, amazingly cute, Mafia-ish glory, Tsuna was freaking out, and everyone else was gulping or glaring or thanking God that they weren't on the recieving end of the hitman's fury, except Rinato.

"Reborn, why don't we explain quickly? I think it'll be quite fun, though, to vent our anger on those pathetic idiots who call themselves Mafioso when they train," suggested Giotto's tutor with the trademark psychopathic glint in his eyes.

"I never wanted to be Vongola Decimo," whimpered Tsuna well, ...pathetically.

Reborn shot him a pissed look.

Tsuna shut up.

"Okay," the baby agreed happily, jumping up onto Rinato's shoulder. No doubt he was already thinking about what great fun it would be to tor-*cough* _train_ his student.

Randomly, Tsuna wondered why it was that HE was the only one Reborn sat on the head of.

"Because I want to."

"HIEEEEEEEEEEEE! REBORN! Stop reading my mind!" shrieked the Mafia Boss in a girly tone that was anything but boss-like.

A gun shot suddenly cracked across Tsuna's protests as Rinato ordered, "Shut up, student. We're going to explain Giotto's problem.

Again, Tsuna shut up.

"As of this moment, the Vongola Family is only the second strongest Family in the world," began Rinato. _Gasp._ "The Fiancata Family, led by one Scroscio Gesso, wielder of the Mare Ring, is the strongest. How did this happen, you may ask. How did the Vongola, THE Vongola, second to none, slide from its spot as the greatest family?" The tutor paused dramatically. "Because unlike the Vongola, the Fiancata doesn't have a wimpy boss." Everyone sweat-dropped at the (very) anti-climatical ending.

Reborn coughed and resumed his/Rinato's story. "What Rinato means is that, because Giotto apparently decided to make his Guardians all go out with him to buy strawberry cake and left the Vongola Mansion virtually undefended, the Fiancata Family was able to steal a super-weapon that now determines the future of the world. Which going to get pretty bad."

"Kufufufu, the Vongola is about to die out because of strawberry cake," laughed Mukuro. Daemon froze, remembering exactly what had happened the last time someone insulted strawberry cake in front of Giotto.

"WHAT? STRAWBERRY CAKE IS THE BEST! STRAWBERRY CAKE IS BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU! WITHOUT STRAWBERRY CAKE, ALL PLANTS WOULD STARVE AND ALL ANIMALS WOULD WILT! I MEAN, ALL ANIMALS WOULD STARVE AND ALL PLANTS WOULD WILT! BOW DOWN THE THE GOD OF STRAWBERRY CAKES, YOU INFERIOR PEOPLE! ALL HAIL STRAWBERRY CAKE WITH LOTS OF WHIPPED CREAM! VIVE STRAWBERRY CAKE!" ranted Giotto passionately, blazing in a fire that Ryohei thought was most extreme.

"Damn, he's having a hissy fit again," muttered Daemon.

Giotto screamed on for the next five minutes because nobody, not even Reborn, can stop Giotto's (not so) hidden fetish for strawberry cake. Sorta like Tsuna's (really) hidden fetish for tuna.

Tsuna took the opportunity to butt into the tirade the second Giotto finally paused for breath and asked Reborn, "Eh... What superweapon?"

Looking relieved and murderous at the same time, the baby continued. "The super-weapon happened to be Talbot's powerful final version of box weapons. Apparently, he invented them but kept them secret to anyone but the Primo Guardians."

"But I used Kojiro and Jiro when I fought that Fiancata Cloud dude," Yamamoto commented thoughtfully, scratching his hair.

"True, but they aren't strong enough to even dream of competing against the Mare Boxes." Everyone stared (they always stare) when _Alaude_ stepped in. Then again, he was the Vongola Spymaster. Figures he'd know. "The reason Talbot locked them up in the first place was that they were too powerful."

"Then why didn't he destroy him?" Tsuna asked.

"Sentimentality. Weakling." Alaude spat out the words and stalked away with a final "I won't let you crowd around me again."

For a moment, everyone gaped at his back. Since when did Alaude ever make such long scentenses? Gokudera broke the silence. "Che. That bastard. Anyways, Reborn-san, how do we get our box animals stronger?"

Reborn's eyes twinkled in a way that was definately _not_ friendly. "You train. Hard."

And that was when the sirens began blaring and a half-dead Vongola Guard with massive clots of blood on his uniform rushed in and reported hurriedly, "The Fiancata are attacking! They have-"

Before he could even finish his scentence, he slumped to the ground.

Dead.

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><p>Giotto stared almost uncomprehendingly at the body in front of him. Tsuna was faster. In the blink of an eye, he had swallowed two pills and was rushing out of the room into the corridor.<p>

"TENTH!" howled Gokudera. He was silenced by a familiar green mallet.

"Shut up," snapped Reborn. "Tsuna is getting Alaude. Strongest or not, there's no way he can match a Fiancata Guardian."

Rinato did not look happy at all that Reborn's student had out-classed his own again.

A minute later, Alaude strode into the room the unconcious body of Sky in his arms, covered in blood that, apparently, wasn't his, with Tsuna flying by his side.

"MAXIMUM CANON!" roared Ryohei and punched through the wall, revealing a thick forest just past the already bloody meadow.

"But the servants..." Giotto protested.

"They're already dead," snapped Alaude. "Keep going or I'll bite you to death." Giotto wasn't sure just how he would do that carrying his sister bridal style in his arms, but still... His Cloud Guardian looked really, really pissed.

Reborn glared at the procrastinating Primo. "It won't do them any good if you mope here and die. Hurry up."

Shaken and traumatized, the group of seventeen fled the mansion. By the time they reached the temporary shelter of the forest, it was already engulfed in a blaze of crimson Storm Flames.

* * *

><p><strong>The plot really developed, didn't it! :D<strong>

**I'll try to update faster, but I've been sorta busy... I know. Worst and most cliche (imagine the accent) excuse ever, but still. And here's the poll! Be nice and PLEASE VOTE! Except it has nothing to do with this story... not really. I just put it here because nobody checks my profile.**

POLL: Which story do you want me to do? (I promise I'll update this one as fast as I usually do.)

a) Once Upon A Skylark: Humor.

Summary: _Enter one murderous Hibari Kyoya into our world, where KHR is only a manga. Enter hordes of maniacal fangirls stalking (and crowding around) him. Enter a whole lot of trouble._

b) Desperate Mafia-wives: Humor/Romance.

Summary:_ The men are always the once who go on death-defying missions. The women, on the other hand, cook. But who said being a mafioso's wife isn't hard?_

c) Dinosaur Days: Humor.

Summary:_ Follow the ups and (many) downs of Dino's life as his gets tortured by a baby, squashed under a turtle's butt, and meets a girl whose name, coincidentally, is Saur. Life must be laughing so hard over him... the bitch._

**So... VOTE WITH YOUR DYING WILL! I'd appreciate it! :D**


	10. Over the River and Through the Woods

**Yep, I'm back. After three weeks. Without an excuse. It's just this thing called procrastination, you know? Yeah. I'm REALLY sorry. ...Don't kill me?**

**On a more cheerful note, 89 REVIEWS! 11 TO THE 100 MARK! YAY! You guys are awesome, and thanks SO MUCH for reviewing! :D It makes me feel bad I took such a long time to update...**

**Also, the poll is still going. Desperate Mafia-wives is winning, at this point... So VOTE! (If you haven't already)...**

**Don't forget to click the glorious blue button at the bottom! And happy Hunger Games! (The plot was really cliche, though. Look up the Wikipedia summary for the book Battle Royale, fans.)**

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 9: Over The River And Through The Woods<em>

"NOOOOOOOOO! MY BEAUTIFUL- GAH!" Before he could finish is scentence, the Founder of the Vongola Family was crushed under a huge green hammer... called Leon. Nice naming skills, Reborn. Don't kill me. Anyhow, back to the story.

"LOSER GIOTTO! DO YOU WANT THEM TO FIND US! DON'T SCREAM LIKE THAT!" roared Rinato.

"Hypocrite..." Giotto mumbled from under said hammer. With an impressive display of (very) rare strength (Yay! His training paid off!), he heaved the offending object/chameleon of of him and shot to his feet. "RUNNNNN!"

"That was a pretty quick mood change," muttered Tsuna. Of course, that he didn't mean he didn't follow his ancestor's advice. Contrary to public belief, he wasn't _that_ stupid yet. And so off the two most powerful generations of the most powerful mafia family went, running through a forest screaming bloody murder. Forget the Fiancato finding them, they just wanted _to get the hell away_.

Reborn and Rinato watched proudly as their students displayed feats of running worthy of the Olympics.

"Good job, Dame-Tsuna. I'm glad you got faster," commented you-know-who (No, not Moldywart. And Pigpimples isn't anywhere near this area, either.) His companion nodded.

"That just proves what wonderful tutors we are," agreed Rinato. Without further ado, Leon transformed into a sports car and off they went, zooming through the trees without a care in the world.

* * *

><p>About half an hour later, all fourteen Guardians except Hibari and Alaude were panting - including the Sun and Rain Guardians. After all, the Clouds were too badass to pant. Plus the lovely authoress is a fangirl... but that's beside the point.<p>

So, imagine Tsuna's face when he saw the Devil Pair happily park their luxury, auto-controlled car while playing a (not so) friendly game of cards.

"HIEEEEEEEEEEE! Reborn! You could have just driven us here!" he screamed indignantly.

"But I didn't," the hitman replied smugly, cute little eyes twinkling evilly. "Anyways, Dame-Tsuna, now where do we go?"

"...I don't know...?"

"Come with me," a voice from behind the trees croaked.

"Stranger Danger! I'm not going anywhere with you, unless you have candy!" Giotto picked that moment to come out of he pile of misery position. OTL (See the depressed person?)

"GAHAHAHA! Give Lambo-sama candy! Gimme! Gimme!" screamed Lambo, waking up to the sound of the word candy.

Tsuna could almost see whoever it was sweatdropping. That thought, however, quickly fled as a dark shape began to emerge mysteriously from the shadows. Being the epic loser he still was, the poor fish fell on his butt and shivered in pure terror. Obviously, he had forgotten that he was the superhero who had saved the world from total destruction. Yeah.

While our favorite Mafia Boss (other that Giotto) was having an epileptic fit, a middle-aged man holding a cane and bearing an unbearably shiny head appeared and beckoned for Giotto to follow.

"Who the hell are you," asked the Primo rudely. Forget politeness! What are you going to do, invite the old bald dude trying to rape you to a cup of tea? ...Actually, the last part was a figment of Giotto's imagination. How is it even possible for GUY to get raped? Wait, no, scratch that. Giotto definately didn't want to know. Nope, nope. Protect the innocent mind of a Mafioso.

Back on track.

"The question is, who are you?" Said old bald man leaned close to Giotto, adopting what he probably hoped was a mysterious air.

"What?"

Annoyed, the weirdo stomped his foot and whipped off his bald cap, revealing perfectly abundant, non-descript (though still shiny) brown hair. "Hn, you people aren't any fun. I'm Talbot, inventor extraordinaire, and chief technician of the new underground Vongola base that was commissioned last year!"

Giotto blinked. "What Vongola base?"

"Yours! Come with me, and I'll show you!"

"Only if you give me candy!"

"GAHAHAHAHA! Lambo-sama wants candy!"

And the whole escipade started all over again...

Five minutes later, Rinato finally intervened with a "Loser Giotto, go with him. I had him build the base in case something like this happened".

Giotto blinked again, and grumbled, "You could have told me earlier... OK, let's go!"

"LAMBO-SAMA WANTS CANDY!" wailed Lambo, adorably, annoyingly furious that nobody was paying attention to him whatsoever. He was still ignored-especially since everyone other than Tsuna, Giotto, Reborn, and Rinato had gone to sleep from the pure exertion of sprinting ten miles through a forest. Not that his loud cry didn't wake them up.

"Don't disturb me when I'm sleeping, retarded cow," grumbled Hibari.

"What's retarded? Lambo-sama isn't retarded! Scary tonfa man is retarded! GAHAHAHA! RETARDED TONFA MAN! RETARDED TONFA MAN!" sung Lambo, dancing around crazily.

"..." The only natural reaction for Hibari was to silence the stupid herbivore. By smashing his face with a brutal tonfa made to smash herbivores' faces. "Herbivore. Let's go."

Unperturbed by the slaughter of an innocent (OK, not-so-innocent) cow, Talbot grinned crazily. "Yep! The base is over that river the through that patch of woods!"

"Really? Over the river and through the woods?" mumbled Tsuna. Like Lambo, he was ignored as the group trudged through the forest once again.

* * *

><p>An hour later (it tuned out that the "patch of woods" was a very large patch of woods), they had finally made it to the base... which turned out to be a trapdoor shabbily hidden under a square of dirt. Compared the the high-tech, Giannini-designed future Vongola Base, a trapdoor was totally unimpressive. But hey, this was the 1600's! People were stupid, back then!<p>

Down they went, all seventeen of them, climbing down the rope ladder that was the era's most advanced technology.

"Che, this is stupid. The Fiancata will definately find this base," compained Gokudera, voicing everyone's thoughts.

"Hehehe, you won't be saying that when you find the real entrance!" Really, Talbot's laugh was beginning to freak Tsuna out. It should be banned. Besides, what did he mean by 'real entrance'? Wasn't the trapdoor the entrance? What the heck?

Finally, they reached the bottom of the latter. Tsuna's mouth practically touched the ground as he gaped at the wreckage.

"HIEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Yep, that probably summarized everyone's feelings now.

**That's all for today! And, lo and behold, another cliffhanger!**

**And remember! VOTE WITH YOUR DYING WILL!**

**:D**

**~ TheAloofBunny~~~!**


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